Another year has past and here we are again, another birthday. My 36th. I’d like to say what a difference a year makes, in a good way, but I guess the last year HAS made a difference in
my our lives. If you’re a regular reader of my blog you’ll know that towards the end of last year I fell pregnant for the fifth time; you’ll also know that pregnancy turned out to be ectopic and saw me being admitted to hospital on New Year’s Day with surgery the following day to remove the pregnancy. This, as with the previous miscarriages, turned our lives upside down, but it’s also made us even more determined to keep trying to become parents. That pregnancy also made the Drs sit up and take note of our situation, and 4 miscarriages and an ectopic later we finally had our referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and for further tests. It’s given us a provisional action plan for the next pregnancy and at last means early and regular scans.
This past year though my biological clock has gone from (loudly) ticking to resonating like one of those huge gongs, and I’m even more aware of my age especially as now I’ll be classed as elderly primagravida (meaning older first time mother). The media is full of reports that 35 is the “magic” age for a woman’s fertility going downhill, so that doesn’t really fill me with much hope. However, from the Specialists I’ve spoken with, and voiced my concerns to, I’ve been told that I’ve no need to worry and I’m still young. My own mother was 38 when I came along and 41 when she had my brother, but she didn’t have the problems we’ve had. Her and my Dad decided they wanted kids and they were lucky enough to conceive us quickly. I’ve friends my own age who’ve just had their first, or second child. In fact with the exception of a couple of friends, all have been around mid-30s when having children for the first time. So, why are we made to feel uneasy about having children at this age? I know I’m not alone in being freaked out and hurt by the media scaremongering of women having babies after 35, as you will see here in this post written by Baby Hopeful.
Years ago, mid-30s was old to become a first time Mum, but times have changed. There are many reasons for not having children in our twenties and, whether through our own choosing or not, we shouldn’t be made to feel bad for it. Especially those of us who haven’t had much choice in the matter. Sure I’d like to go back 10 years so I’d maybe be slightly more relaxed, trying for a family, knowing I’d have plenty of time for kids. Now I’ve 4 – 6 years at most; 40 was always my cut off but now I’m thinking 42. Still it’s not the same as thinking I’ve 14 (or 16) years left to try for a child(ren). That said, at 26 I wasn’t ready for a family. I know it’s not for everyone but it was important to us to be married first and to have our own home before children came into the equation and well that didn’t come until a year or so later, but I was 29 before we were in a position to try for our family. Nobody could have imagined 7 years would tick by and we’d still be childless.
Whatever happens, and however we get there we WILL be parents before another 7 years has ticked by. Like I wished for my 36th birthday, hopefully by my 37th I’ll be holding our baby in my arms.