A couple of weeks ago I got a surprise BFP. Well, obviously it wasn’t totally surprising as we are still trying to conceive, but every cycle I get my hopes up only to have them dashed so didn’t think this would be any different. Nevertheless, something in my head told me to test, so I did and the beautiful words “Pregnant 1-2” came up.
I was a few days away from when AF was due but I started the progesterone pessaries and aspirin straight away, and called my Consultant’s office first thing on the Monday morning. He was on holiday, as was his secretary, but a couple of phone calls later and explaining my situation regarding not only miscarriage but the ectopic I got an appointment for the 21st August. Although the thought of waiting 2 weeks to see my Consultant and get a proper action plan in place was worrying, I also knew it would be the perfect time for a scan. Before that date there would be very little chance of seeing anything, and certainly not a heartbeat.
On the day AF was due I tested again, and two lovely strong lines came up. I felt reassured. I had some pregnancy symptoms, but as always that fear of another loss crept in so I kept pushing it to the back of my mind.
Some days later, I woke up and just had a bad feeling. I promised myself I wouldn’t test again, but caved. Again, the word I hoped for came up, but I still wasn’t convinced. The next day I tested again and got the faintest of lines, the next test was negative. I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time I knew. I stopped the progesterone and aspirin, and waited for nature to take it’s course again.
Some of the online advice I received was not to stop the meds until I was absolutely certain, but I didn’t need a doctor to tell me what my body already was. I knew in my head and heart it was over, my pregnancy symptoms had stopped abruptly, and I had the same cramps I’ve experienced with my previous 4 miscarriages. A couple of days later the bleeding started – my sixth loss, but fifth miscarriage.
I’ve tried to find the positives in this loss. I know I can still get pregnant with only one tube. Also, I was told at the time of my ectopic that they anticipated a pregnancy within 18 months, well this was within 8 months of the surgery, or 4 months from when we started trying again.
Where do we go from here though? I don’t know. Before this pregnancy/loss, Mr R and I had spoken at length about adoption, and in fact we have our adoption information evening tonight. Will we press forward with this now, I don’t know. I feel positive that we can fall pregnant again, but can I put myself through potentially a seventh loss, I don’t know. We still have our Consultant appointment on Wednesday, and we should hopefully get the results of all our blood tests then, so I guess we’ll leave the decision making until after that.
Leoni-fay Bunting says
I’m so sorry you’ve lost another baby. I’ve also had 6 miscarriages, although I also have 2 children. I know it’s hard to keep going when it jut feels like there is no point. My advice is not to make any firm decisions just now. Wait and see how you feel about ttc in a few weeks.
I’ve all but made the decision to stop, it just seems so hard at times.
Tee says
Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry to hear of your losses too. I know what you mean, it really does feel like there’s no point at times, but then I look at my friends and family with their children and remember why we keep going. However, we can’t stay in this vicious circle forever… Good luck with your decision. x
Model mummy says
I am sorry for you.
I will pray that soon you become the yummy mummy you deserve to be.
Following your blog now and waiting for the good news to come xx
Tee says
Thank you for your comment, and thanks for following x
Baby Hopeful says
Just catching up on blogs. So sorry this happened to you again :'( Totally agree about not making any rash decisions, keep all options open I reckon. Look after yourself. Lots of love. xx
Tee says
Thank you. x
Sarah says
Hi Tee,
I am so sorry to hear that you have had another loss. I’m sending cyber hugs to you.
xxx
Tee says
Thank you x
The eclectic mum says
This is so so hard. I have had 1 micscarraige and 1 ectopic but in my c section scar so have both my tubes still. It just is a feeling you cannot explain when you have a loss and swing between positivity that you can do it to the enormous empty feelings. You know now that you can fall pregnant’ Hopefully the consultants can help you plan how get you your dream xxx