EDD looming

I don’t think I’ve given it much thought before now that the EDD of our lost bean is looming… but this week, every time I’ve used the Baby Centre app on my iPhone it’s automatically gone to the “My Pregnancy” page rather than the community page, reminding me today that I should be 35w+5d… I should have a huge belly by now that’s being kicked from the inside out, a love of gherkins and ice cream or some other weird craving, a decorated nursery, names chosen (well we do have our boy name picked already anyway), hospital bag packed, and have a knot in my stomach that’s a mix of excitement but also apprehension of what lays ahead of me and us…  Instead I’m thinking about if and when I’ll ovulate on the Clomid, and why I’m so damn teary this week… is it because I’ve had a bad cold that’s got me down, is it an after effect of the Clomid, or is it that my subconscious remembered how close we are to what should have been our baby’s birth day?