We went on holiday, we called it our last big holiday before having children in the hope that by next year we’d be holidaying with our little one. AF was due towards the end of the holiday and when it didn’t arrive I put it down to the time difference messing with my body, I was tempted to buy a pregnancy test but kept thinking what’s the point it’s always the same answer! Looking back I’d gained weight but put it down to eating too much food on holiday, I felt nauseaous every now and then, fell asleep by 10pm which I put down to all the walking we were doing on holiday, every time I was in a crowd I would shield my tummy, and my boobs wow they hurt so much.
We arrived home about 11am. After lunch my husband popped to see some friends, I had a nap. When I woke up I felt compelled to take a pregnancy test, it was positive! POSITIVE! I couldn’t believe it. I tried calling Mr R but he’d left his phone at home, a couple of hours later he called from his friends to say he’d be home soon. I didn’t tell him but I think he knew from how I was behaving on the phone. I couldn’t stop looking at the test, yep the line’s still there. I took another test, yes another line omg omg omg!
Mr R arrived home and as soon as he walked in the room I thrust the test at him with a big smile on my face. He couldn’t believe it either but was overjoyed. Two days later I took a Clear Blue Digital test… Pregnant 1-2 weeks woohoo. I booked an appointment with the Dr, she dated me at 5 weeks plus 3 days, she gave me a choice of hospitals, no way I was going back to the one Dad was in aside from that it wasn’t that near to us. I cancelled the appointment with the fertility clinic.
I “told” my Dad, and went to see my Mum, she too was overjoyed for us. Later that week I met up with one of my best friend’s for dinner, she knew our journey and I was too excited to keep it to myself, especially as our estimated due date (EDD) was her son’s (our Godson) first birthday, so I told her there was a chance I’d miss his birthday party. She looked at me puzzled, why was I telling her this so many months in advance, then it sunk it and she screamed!
A few days later I started having cramps, I googled it, nothing to worry about unless the pain is severe and accompanied with blood. Must just be stretching cramps then… The cramps didn’t ease as the day went on, about 2pm I went to the loo and my heart sunk, I was bleeding. I screamed for Mr R, he came running into the bathroom and just cradled me. Slowly I got up, changed my clothes and calmly told him we should go to the hospital. We couldn’t find the EPU so went straight to A&E, by now my calmness was replaced by sobbing and shaking, the receptionist took pity on us and we were shown to a room and seen by the triage nurse straight away. 2 hours sitting in A&E, crying uncontrollably, surrounded by strangers. Eventually I was called through, told to change into the hospital gown and give a urine sample. The nurse took my temperature and pulse, asked me some questions and took the sample away. The Dr came in, examined my abdomen and asked more questions. 5 minutes later the nurse came back, the pregnancy test was negative but I had a slight urine infection. How? Why? and what does she mean urine infection, I felt fine in that respect. The Dr returned drew some blood and said he’d be back in an hour. By now Mr R was allowed in with me, he was upset but being strong for me. That hour dragged. The Dr returned again; you’re not pregnant but your HCG levels are 29, to rule out pregnancy they should be less than 4 but for where you say you are they should be higher, you must have got your dates wrong… No I definitely didn’t get my dates wrong, I know my cycles inside out now, I’ve tracked them religiously for years. I had positive pregnancy tests, I must have taken about 11 or 12 since that first one, I’ve got pictures on my iPhone I can show you, my GP confirmed I was pregnant, this isn’t possible… I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do, if the cramps or bleeding worsens come back, otherwise take a pregnancy test in a week’s time and if it’s positive go to your GP to have it confirmed again, and in the meantime here’s the antibiotics for your UTI. I cried all the way home, went straight to bed and cried myself to sleep. Mr R didn’t know what to say or do for the best. The next day was my 34th birthday, I got up carried on as normal and we went to Mum’s for my birthday lunch.
The next few days passed in a blur, I was constantly tearful, how could this happen, why give us this chance to snatch it away so quickly. It’s not fair. The antibiotics made me feel sick and gave me a temperature, I went to the Drs and saw a man this time, on first look I thought he’d dismiss me but he didn’t. He listened to everything I said, and said that unfortunately 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. He was very sympathetic but hopeful we’d have our baby in the not too distant future, and said he didn’t see any reason why we couldn’t start trying again right away, if we were ready. He also referred us to the fertility clinic again.