Yesterday was our EDD, and it came and went pretty much unnoticed. Again, as with our Godson’s first birthday, I think the anticipation of what it would be like was worse than the reality.
Mr R has always maintained we mustn’t dwell on it, and I know he’s right, but over the months it’s been so hard not to. I know he’s hurting too but he deals with it differently to me, he seems to file things away never to be thought of again. Whereas I need to cry, I need to talk it over, that’s how I deal with things that hurt and upset me, as my husband says I dwell on things. I don’t mean to, but until I work things out in my head, exhausting myself emotionally in the process, I can’t settle and I can’t move on. Over the months I’ve shed so many tears that on the one day I expected to be really hurting, I was surprised I felt pretty much nothing. Maybe I’d dealt with my emotions enough on Sunday after the party, or maybe they’re still there waiting to erupt another time. Either way, I ended yesterday feeling pretty positive about things and looking forward, which can only be a good thing.