Looking back, moving forward

This time last year we were coming towards the end of our holiday in Canada with no idea that we had a stowaway on board.  I wish I could say I was writing this whilst looking at that stowaway but sadly it wasn’t to be.  I can’t believe that a year has past since we first fell pregnant.

Looking back it would be easy to say we’re no further forward in our quest to become parents, but I guess in some way we are.  We’ve had several appointments now with a fertility specialist, I’m on Clomid to shorten my cycles and we have our action plan.  However, nobody knew that there would be 3 further pregnancies all resulting in (early) miscarriage.  Our next appointment with Dr “James” is on the 24th May so not too much longer to wait, and I’m hoping and praying he’ll have some idea as to why this keeps happening and get us fast tracked to further tests, assuming I’m not pregnant again by then.  Oh how I hope I will be pregnant, then I can speak to him about early scans and maybe get some proper care to hopefully avoid another loss.

Moving forward, I’ve just entered the 2WW of my first proper cycle following the miscarriage in February, and I feel strangely calm about things which is surprising considering I had a major panic over when I was ovulating these past few days.  Still, calm is good and long may that feeling continue.  Normally during the 2WW I turn into a crazed woman by about 8 dpo and have to get Mr R to hide any HPTs to stop me testing early, doesn’t always work though and I’ll either find them or just nip to Boots at lunchtime and buy another!!!  It would be doubly wonderful to get a BFP this cycle as it would be near my birthday, and after my last two birthdays being overshadowed by loss (my Dad’s passing in 2010, and the loss of our first pregnancy in 2011), it would certainly be a happy birthday to have that kind of present.

I ask you all to keep everything crossed (except you ladies TTC, everything crossed but legs!!), and say a prayer that we get our hat trick with the Clomid but that this time it’s with our take home baby.